Thoughts like "Just keep quiet!", "Don't say anything.", "Let it go", "I shouldn't have said anything" just filled my mind. It took a long time after I "separated" from my BPD spouse to not have those constant chatter in my mind. I still get them occasionally when I have to interact with her. It's not so bad now.
However I still find it very hard to focus on my work and motivation. Recently I had a very good run at work for about 2 months. Then an episode with my BPD spouse just took the winds out of my sail. It wasnt a big episode but it was enough to throw me off. I am not blaming her for it now. I just accept it as part of life with a BPD and just try my best to get my focus back. I just accept it is my responsibility and try to do it...
Any other non BPD have this loss of focus problem?
Hello, I just found your blog and would like you to follow my experiences also. I am at a different stage of a 12 year relationship with my BPD spouse, but would love to talk to people that share my "experiences." Let me know how to invite you to read my blog as for now I'm keeping only for invited users only.
ReplyDeleteIt amazes me that someone has a relationship with a BPD person. I have BPD and all my relationships fail. I'm currently in limbo with my boyfriend after an episode. He needs time to think. I know what I put him trough and I praise you for having unconditional love with your spouse.
ReplyDeleteThere is no more relationship. It's over. Now its just living in the same house and separate lives for another year or so until the kids are old enough to choose who they want to follow.
ReplyDeleteIts impossible to have unconditional love for a BPD. Well, maybe Im just not strong enough. After more than 15 years, my mental state is in tatters and I have to look after my own wellbeing first.
Maybe you have BPD and you projected that onto your spouse? ;)
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection