Non BPD Losing focus and attention

One of the worst things for me as a non BPD is losing my ability to focus on anything useful and productive. At the worst of time, all my thoughts seemed to be consumed with how to interact with my BPD spouse.

Thoughts like "Just keep quiet!", "Don't say anything.", "Let it go", "I shouldn't have said anything" just filled my mind. It took a long time after I "separated" from my BPD spouse to not have those constant chatter in my mind. I still get them occasionally when I have to interact with her. It's not so bad now.

However I still find it very hard to focus on my work and motivation. Recently I had a very good run at work for about 2 months. Then an episode with my BPD spouse just took the winds out of my sail. It wasnt a big episode but it was enough to throw me off. I am not blaming her for it now. I just accept it as part of life with a BPD and just try my best to get my focus back. I just accept it is my responsibility and try to do it...

Any other non BPD have this loss of focus problem?

Medication for BPD and non BPD

I never used to believe in medication for anything. Especially after seeing my spouse take Zoloft for her depression and it really magnified her BPD symtoms 10 fold! The madness nearly killed me. Zoloft seemed to take all remaining self control and filter away from the BPD and made her truly believe that all the her projections on me are absolutely true. Ultimatums after ultimatums came hurling through and the consequences from them were irretrievable.

Now I take xanax to cope with stress. Not on a regular basis, just when I need it. Maybe once or twice a week. About .25 to .5 mg each time. My BPD spouse also take it to calm down when she feels an attack coming on. It helps.

My BPD spouse also takes 5-HTP to give her a better outlook and mood. She also takes Magnesium Calcium to ease her migranes which can and do trigger the BPD episodes. Basically we are doing whatever it takes to reduce the conflicts in our lives.

Quotes to help cope with BPD partners

Here are some quotes that I find useful for me to deal with my BPD spouse and difficult people.

"If I cannot change the world, I can change the way I look at it."
I believe this is a saying from Confucius. There are many things we cannot change in this world because everyone thinks differently and perceives the world differently from us. This is especially so with a BPD person. You can fight all you want, but it's a losing battle. I have learnt not to go the whole hog with my BPD partner to push a point. I try and if it doesn't work, I accept it and let it go. I try not to put a judgment on it and just work around it.

However I try more with my children as they have more capacity to learn and accept my point of views. I dont really try very hard with my BPD anymore... It's not worth the anxieties on both sides.

"I cannot change the wind, but I can adjust my sails"
A similar quote to the one above by Anthony Robbins. Now when I go around the house and see all the lights and fans switched on as my BPD spouse left them on, I just switch them off and not get upset about it. It's more productive and harmonious this way.

"You should be grateful to the most difficult people in your life. They can teach you the most about life and yourself."

A devout buddhist friend of mine related this to me about how to look at difficult people in my life (not my BPD partner). I may not agree entirely with this but I suppose this is a better way to look at life with BPDs than just hating them.